All of us have default behaviors that are hard to shake even when we tell ourselves it’s time for a change. Good news is that there is a proven path for boosting success even in the face of fear and old habits, and it’s available to you. I use it with my clients and saw it in motion a few weeks ago.
At the pool waiting for my son to finish his swimming lesson, I watched a handful of little kids learning to dive off of the diving board. First, two kids walked to the end of the board, put their hands into an awkward triangle and tipped over into the water. It was more of a belly flop than anything resembling early signs of a future Greg Louganis, but they did it. Success!
Then she stepped forward. Determined, fierce, she bounded to the edge of the diving board and stopped.
She stood there, and immediately squatted down to sit.
Her coach called her back, whispered some encouraging words, and she tried again and sat again.
Next time she got off the board, checked it out with a brief inspection, hopped back on and went to the end again only to automatically have her knees buckle and take a seat.
The other kids were getting restless and the teacher’s cheers of “Come on! You can do it!” were not producing the desired results.
Eventually, the instructor called her back off the board again and this time, she picked her up, held her over the edge of the pool, and let her feet safely dangle in the water. As she put her down next to the board once again, I heard her encourage her student to have another go – which she did, without any change in behavior.
Finally, when she walked off the board to look from afar once more, the instructor picked her up and dipped in her toes again. This time, however, the swim coach dropped her into the pool. There was no crying, no sputtering, no drowning; her young student easily swam to the side.
She wasn’t afraid of the swimming; it was the jumping.
Secrets to Boosting Success?
Get a Push
Find a coach, mentor or friend who does more than encourage you with sweet words.
Be grateful when someone loves you enough to push you to be your best and do your best. It’s a sign that they truly and deeply believe in you. They’re not pushing beause they hate you or want to see you fail. They believe even before you do. You can make the leap.
Take a Dare
Up your game by finding your diving board. If the low one is easy, go on the search for a higher one.
Be Accountable
Tell someone what you want to do and give them full permission to check in with you. If you didn’t do it, have them ask you what got in your way and take another pass. Tell them that you don’t want to be let off the hook and trust them to stand up for you and open your eyes when you’re not standing up for yourself.
Be Vulnerable
I’ve coached people around the world for hundreds of hours and quickly discovered that most people are going to start with the easy stuff. It’s scary to talk about what’s stopping you. Work with someone who’s willing to call you out when you’re taking the easy way out.
I’m the first to admit that success takes more than hustle and it takes more than a push too. However, if you never feel pushed (or pulled or called) forward, be happy with what you’ve got because it’s all you’ll ever get.
[Tweet “Want to change? Be honest + vulnerable about what’s got to shift”].
Unfortunately, greater levels of success demand stepping beyond the known into uncharted territory. It’s tempting to practice avoidance and make up brilliant excuses why “not this” and why “not now;” sit down instead of making the leap.
BREAK THE FRAME ACTION:
If you truly are ready to start boosting success, develop a relationship with someone who will hold your feet in the water. Someone who will pick you up and drop you into the pool with the full faith and belief that you can swim. Maybe it’s a coach, your boss, partner, mastermind, BFF or someone else. Find them.
Who in your life helps you most to make the leap even when you’d rather keep sitting on your diving board?
Great 4 steps Alli! If there is a #5, it might be “crave the change more than the comfort!”
The times that I have made a breakthrough in my life, it was because I finally wanted it more than anything.
Love your posts. They cut right to the heart of human needs.
Best,
Kate
Without the craving, not much happens. I agree. Thinking about it, noodling, knowing that you’re really okay as is keeps you right where you are.
Thanks, Kate!
Alli
Alli,
Great steps! One that helps me is being comfortable. I know this seems odd. However, when you feel comfortable with who you are in the inside, you can get up and do what may see uncomfortable. You also realize that, whatever happens, you will be the same person the next day, just a little wiser and better.
Thanks!
Jon
Absolutely love that insight, Jon. When I feel comfortable in the way you describe I also feel naturally creative, resourceful and whole. From that place, no matter what the outcome, trying is possible.
Grateful,
Alli
Excellent post Alli! It is so true that a good coach can really get us trying new things that initially may seem scary. When someone has our backs as well as our best interests, we will probably venture out further.
Recently an individual I work with introduced me to one of his clients. He believed I could make a difference in their organization and gave me the push I needed. I felt vulnerable but it allowed me to explore new territory which helped me grow.
Thanks Alli and will share today!
Appreciate that story of how someone gave you a push. He didn’t simply say, “gee, you’re great. I think you can help.” He made the introduction and started things in motion. Always love your real life examples that put concepts into motion.
Thanks, Terri!
Alli
GREAT post Alli! I love the story and the tips.
Pondering your post I think that sometimes I find it easier to dive off the high board than the low board. Like moving overseas to a place I once feared v.s. cooking something new or asking for help with something I need to learn.
Mmm something to ponder.
Now you have me pondering too! Why is it that sometimes the HUGE leaps in life can be easier than the smaller ones? Thinking… and grateful.
Alli
You are and I on the same page with coaches who need to do more than encourage with sweet words! Bookstores are full of self-help books that nothing more than that…and why people continue to pay to listen to “the easy stuff” I’ll never figure out.
LOVE how you encourage your clients to challenge you if you fail to move them into the harder stuff…I can see why you are such a great coach!
Thanks, LaRae! It’s true. There’s a lot of fluff out there that makes us feel good but does not create sustained change. Change takes work and discomfort. Everyone should have a trusted partner to move forward in their life’s work of becoming who they are meant to be.
Grateful!
Alli
Great story Alli – it also touched a nerve….I was the kid who could not jump…it became one of those fears you take with you into adulthood, that gets covered up with layers of denials. 🙂 I was able to confront the fear years ago – saw it for what it was…an illusion.
Great appreciation for your work and wisdom
Carl
Carl – Thanks for sharing your story. I watched this young girl do her dance and could clearly see that no matter how much she wanted to jump, her auto-response was to buckle at the knees and sit. Her desire wasn’t enough. We all have places in our lives that are like that – her’s was just on display. How cool that you confronted your fear a few years ago. Must have been freeing.
Many thanks!
Alli
Very impressive points.
Get a “PUSH”………… Very remarkable and effective.
Zafarmanzoor, Pakistan.